Everywhere around the world it feels like men are being demonized for just being men. I read today that in America a man who tried to help a lost child was instead branded a predator. Link to the article https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/06/27/a-man-helped-a-lost-toddler-find-her-parents-police-say-he-was-smeared-online-as-a-predator-and-fled-town/
Being a man in the modern world is fraught with pitfalls. Men are being judged like we are all rapists or paedophiles. Men can no longer be men for fear of the inaccurate, skewed views that society is placing on all men.
I am a father of two who shares 50/50 custody and there have been times where I have gone out walking with them and have been glared at because I am alone with my children. I have had parents not want their child to come have play-dates or sleepovers with my children because I would be the only adult there. I respect their decision and will only do things with my children and their friends in a public environment to ensure I avoid any accusations but why should I have to take these precautions?
This fear of accusations may account for the lack of male teachers and other male role models in society today and I think it’s having a detrimental effect on children. Without positive male role models how can our children learn how to understand both the masculine and feminine sides of the self?
Everywhere in the world there are world leaders spreading hate, fear and positing discrimination based on race, sexual orientation or religious beliefs. These are not the feelings the majority of men associate with; but because of these negative male role models it is becoming more taboo for the everyday man to show who they really are.
So what is the modern man to do and how can we change some of these negative perspectives and let society know it’s not OK to judge all men the same and move towards a more loving, understanding view of men and their right to just be men?
A vast majority of us do not like talking about our feelings or emotions for fear of being called sensitive or weak but until we can talk about these things openly and honestly then how can we as a society move towards a resolution?
On my soul searching I realised I blocked out emotions. I lost a lot of potential experiences in my life because I didn’t show my emotions. I did this to protect myself behind a wall to make sure I didn’t get hurt. I grew up in a broken home and the men in my life growing up never talked about their feelings so I learnt from what I saw and saw it as a sign of weakness. This is not true!
Only by being true to yourself and to all your emotions can you be whole. By ignoring emotions we aren’t connecting to ourselves fully and showing society who WE truly are. We need to get in touch with all emotions including the negative ones like anger or sadness and learn to deal with releasing these emotions in a positive way. Talk to others, let them in, connect to your emotions and lean on others for emotional support. It is not weakness. If anything, it shows you are stronger.
If you’ve never gotten in touch with your sensitive side; explore that side of yourself. Learn to cry. Learn to knit. Do something that will challenge you. If you need to connect with your masculine side then go explore that too. Learn some of the skills we used to know like how to grow your own food or hunt. Go on a boys trip, play a sport. Challenge yourself as individuals. Let others know it’s not OK to judge us because of what others of our gender do. Become who you were meant to be and learn to accept all your emotions.
If you know of a child without positive male role models in their life maybe you could step up and help shape future generations. Show the world that we are here to help and help alter the perspectives about men into a more positive one.
Be a real man. Respect and love others. Be proud of yourself for being a man. Know that its OK to be masculine and stop letting these negative perspectives shape your life.
Connecting to our emotions and other people on a more emotional level is only the first step we need to take in changing our world. Only by accepting others beliefs and differences and letting people live their lives without judgement can we make this world a better place. We need to connect more with people and start to trust one another again. Only with love and understanding can we overcome darkness.